The Public School System

Americans are blessed right? Our populace and it's children have access to free schooling. This is something that people in other countries would kill for, their children being taught how to read and write. I had a Muslim friend in Grade School and one of the reasons her family moved to the US was to enable his daughters to have an education.

This is an assumed right by the majority of American people. It's been instilled in all of us that we are entitled to an Education and that it must fit a "standard" of some kind.

The issue with this is multi fold as far as I am concerned. I always question my children being forced to go to an institution. And schooling of some kind is forced on the populace. There are laws if your kids don't go. Another example of this standard is my husband. He graduated from a private school system, gets out, tries to apply for college and finds out his Highschool was not accredited and so his education doesn't count. Wtf?

Now beyond all this is what the public school system does. It teaches children to be compliant, docile and accepting of what society says is correct. A few examples.

My children have to wear uniforms. Why? To reduce bullying, gang fights (high school dealio), etc. Now all I see is not allowing a child to express themselves and a silent message that they are part of a mass and not an individual. My daughter said to me once, "I can't tell anybody apart." Bam, the realization that this is a form of forced conformity.

Then there are school supplies. They don't get bought by the parent here. You give the school system a certain amount of money and the school supplies are provided. Why? As a teacher told me once they don't want any kids to "stick out " for having something different or their parents not being able to afford them. So I also pay for the poor kids as well apparently, lol. I grew up po' (southern word, means DIRT POOR or you so po' you can't afford dirt. ), but I got school supplies.

Beyond that you have the anti bullying, zero tolerance violence, and other policies in place furthering this status quo, politically correct ideals. This is the school's
culture. You can be kicked out of your school, taken away from your friends, if you hit a kid back. Think about what mental programming that puts in a five year old's head. I CAN'T hit back or I lose things I love /like.

And that's my issue. How do I send my children to an institution that doesn't allow them to express themselves as individuals? Or forces them to learn to not fight back  when being attacked? Or tells them what to think?

And I see it when they come home. When they say things like "but you NEVER hit." Bullshit. When they say that "the white men killed all the Indians to take their land. " When they say they love everybody in the whole world.

They are being forced to conform. They are being forced to agree. They are being forced to be docile. They are being forced to believe the government is good and has their best interests at heart.

I am their Mother. I am supposed to protect them. Does that not also mean waking up and saying "Hey!! You don't get to make my kids drones."?  Does it not mean I have to figure out a way to take back my children's education from the very thing I hate.

So I supplement as best I can. I tell them to question it. That maybe their teacher isn't right. However, there is more I can do. And it's my goal in regards to this issue. To find a way to educate my children myself. To get them away from that drone creating factory called the public school system.

FS

Kool Shit

WP just posted a few images that show that Nature can never truly be put down by civilization. Check it out ...

Recent Events

So, in light of recent events I wanted to talk about others. I have had a shit load of well ... shit thrown at me for my personal life, I have had threads written about me, blogs written about me, etc.

Now my question to others is this, why do you care? Why does what I do matter to you so much? Why am I even on your mind to this extent?

Let me be frank, when it comes to you, I don't give a fuck. I don't care who you sleep with, what your income is, what your life choices are, or any of that. You don't matter to me, shit the few personal details I have on people I can barely remember.

Why? I don't know you. All I know is what you write. The internet is not really a place to get to know others personally. It's a format where one can exchange ideas, information, maybe refine their rhetoric, other than that it's worthless.

I am a member of a popular Satanic networking site. I have two radio shows. I blog my ass off. That doesn't mean you know me. That means I use these formats for my own personal reasons.

The Sinister Feminine needs representation and development. Satanism is a joke in this current Male dominated incarnation. There is something I find inherently feminine about the ideas that the word Satan represents.

That's why I am here. Satanism has to shift away from this "maleness" that permeates it. I am on the interwebz to do that. For one voice on that testosterone fueled site to compare understanding the ONA to Motherhood. For one voice on that  radio show to represent the Darkness as a woman, vicious and strong.

Don't like my approach? Don't like the fact that I don't fuck jaded nerds? Don't like the fact that I am not just a cyber whore who kisses your ass? Don't like the fact that I think an orientation towards culture is just as important as transgression? Don't like the fact that I sexually manipulate mundanes? Think I am a joke of some kind? A fangirl?

Fuck you. I am not stopping, stepping back or backing down. I am not going to go away just because you don't approve. Like I said before, YOU don't matter. I don't care about your little opinions based on no real life experience.

You're not even worthy of this blog. I am just enough of a drama queen to write this. Why? You're thinking about me, you're posting your opinions on me. I am not doing the same about you (this the obvious exception) . You're spreading my ideas and I have received pm's from people asking what I am going to do, why I put up with it, etc.

This is why just caught another little Sinister flower as a result of this (one chick read the bullshit, read my blog and I sent her to other sites) . She may not do anything with it, but my goal is just one more woman. Just one, women are hives. ;)

LOL, I Love Conflict

I want to talk about the lolapalooza that is the average Modern Satinist attack against "Niners " in general. Keeps happening lately. ;)

The insult thrown out the most is, "I am an Individual and bow and follow nobody. " This is always followed by laughable insults of a personal nature, accusations of being a fan girl or boy, or hanging off someone's nuts.

Now, the Individuality argument always fails because these people that throw out the Individuality, I am a wolf among the herd bullshit, always tow "the herd's " line. They are against violence. They are against Racism, Anarchism, Nazism and a host of things that the largest collective in the World subscribes to, the very essence of the Magian made manifest in an individual's psyche.

I don't know a single individual, regardless of their leanings, that would say "Yep, I am a sheep, following a herd." Every one of those sheep, feel they are making their own choices. Every one of those sheep feel they are individualist.

See, part of the trick the system offers is the Perception of Choice. Basically, all of are told, "Choose whatever you want to be. There's nobody controlling you. " It's a lie. I have kids and I let them choose what to eat on occasion. I give them three or four choices and let them pick from them. Last night, my son got me on this one. He said, "My choice?" I said yes. He said, "I want chocolate cake for dinner. " I said, "That's not a choice available. "

That's the essence of what the system does. It lays out a few options and let's you choose from them, while hiding the existence of Chocolate Cake.

So, you have a whole group of people that claim to be Satanists, while towing the party line. Saying things like, "I don't oppose the system, I want to manipulate it and than become it." Um, yeah that's another lie the system tells. Do this set of things and you'll "Master the System." No, you'll be a more willing slave.

I read something about the Civil War, that said House Niggers were less likely to run from their Masters. There was an account of a maid that even after the War, being set free and all that, she refused to leave the family that owned her. Worked for them until she died.

That's who you become if you decide to go that route. You become the type who feels superior to other slaves and free, but you're more bound than a "lesser " slave is. That's all most Satinists are. People who have decided they can or will dominate the System. When the reality is, they never ask for chocolate cake, they don't even know it exists.

I want cake, most "Niners " I know want cake. That's the thing, most of the things that get the, "Oh My God, the ONA is Evil RUN!!!", reaction are the real Devils of today. Even the idea of a Kollective or collaboration hits that note of fear with Satinists.

Why? They know, way deep down they are sheep. They know they are chained and enslaved, I believe everybody does deep down. The thing that always struck me about the movie The Matrix, was how you never notice how fake the simulated world  looks, until Neo goes back in. The second (and every other time)  time I watched The Matrix, I noticed all kinds of fakeness, from the very start of the movie.

So, they know, it whispers in the back of their minds "I am a willing slave. " This is why they fight so hard against anything that truly opposes society and the status quo, that's why the thought of being part of a collective scares them.  Anything truly heretical is "to far."

It's my biggest beef with Modern Satanism. When I decided to go online, I expected to get offended, I expected to be manipulated, I expected to get used, talked shit about when I wasn't around, etc. I did not expect Satanists to be politically correct. I did not think Satanists would run screaming from ideas that are truly radical, heretical, gross and profane.

Isn't that why the label is Satanism and not called Super Serial Individualism? Because Satan  represents what people fear, what they hate and despise. So, the individuals taking that label on become feared, hated and despised.

I can always tell a real Satanist from a Satinist in a fundamental way. A "true" Satanists sets off my fight or fly instinct instantly. They make me feel a touch of fear as soon as I read what they wrote or see them face to face. I never lose that entirely, I am always a touch scared, while being intrigued and interested at the same time. It's instinctual.

The funniest part of all, is ONA uses these heretical forms people want to claim to be Satanists run from, in order to create Individuals. Not the Magian bullshit version, but people who have truly made their own choices. They have crossed their mental lines, transgressed society's norms and are in an active process of learning who they really are, freeing themselves of Causal abstractions, while choosing their own. The ONA is breeding individuals who are true Individuals, who understand that collaboration is critical. Everyone seeks their own kind out, socialization is a fundamental human need. Collaboration is necessary for the System, and the Enemy to be toppled once and for all.

So keep misunderstanding, keep talking shit. You just show your level of ignorance, your lack of understanding of fundamentals of human nature.

FS3.0

Learning Through Adversity

Any knowledge that is not rooted in experience is suspect. One sentence that boils the essence of a Praxis to it's most basic wording.

The issue with most of humanity is putting stock in their own opinions and what one thinks about any subject. There is even a delightful selection of labels to choose from, that let people know how you think about things. Most are bound to these rather Democrat, Republican, Christian or Satanist. A label based on thought, rather than action.

But what do most do? What is their true knowledge? Do these labels for thinking in a Super Serial manner indicate who that individual is?

As I interact with others, I see most of these terms of identification are meaningless to most. Is there a difference between a Democrat and a Republican? Not really. What about a Christian and a Satanist? Not for most. I despise it.

I have never really cared what "affiliation " one claims as long as they are living it, applying the philosophical constructs they espouse, in their daily lives. I can't stand a lying, cheating, selfish Christian, the same as I can't stand Satanists who still espouse morality, living within the law and the upholding of society's values over the individual and self sovereignty.

It annoys me because anything I truly believe I live. My life has been complicated, difficult, full of just as much success as failure, mind twisting at it's most difficult, full of heartbreak, strife, and adversity, but I have survived all of it. Grown stronger due to the hardship.

The funny thing about learning through real adversity, is you don't become "nice " or "good." You become harder, more willing to do whatever it takes to survive, to thrive, to do better. You lose the comfort of depending on others, rather society or people, in favor of you and your own judgment.

One year ago, I joined SIN. So I could interact with Satanists. I learn better by doing and interacting, not reading. Things I read have to relate to my life, or I don't really "get it." If I can find a mental bridge between the idea being presented and my own life, it clicks pretty quickly.

Finding and exploring Satanism has been the single most liberating experience of my life. I lacked the language to explain my own personal philosophical thoughts. Satanism has always felt more like RE-membering,  than learning something knew. I said on the Ooze once, "I feel like I am remembering what I always knew. " That still rings true.

At the end of the day, rhetoric is just rhetoric, opinions are just opinions, ideas are just ideas, and it's mostly meaningless bullshit.  Knowledge is a personal thing, based on experience, not what others know or think. Let your Satanism bleed out, color and affect every aspect of your life. I firmly believe there is no aspect of life that is free from being infected. No part of my life where I don't apply that Praxis, nothing that isn't altered by my own knowledge and experience.

FS3.0

A Woman's Intuition ....

<p>does exist. It's a difficult thing to explain. Without logical thought attached, without any real thought process involved, I just do things. I get a "gut feeling " and know what to do, and I will know beyond the shadow of a doubt I am right.</p>
<p>When I had my oldest son, I read every book on children, parenting and pregnancy I could. I was book learned on the subject. Which means I didn't have a fucking clue what to do.</p>
<p>Now he had colic and I mean bad. Constantly screaming at the top of his lungs. I took him to the doctor. I read up on colic the different holds to comfort him, etc. None of it worked. So, one day I put him on my legs so that he was straddling them. I started bouncing my legs up and down. I started singing a song (giddy up horsey up and down, giddy up horsey go to town, giddy up horsey, don't
.. fall... down) .

Well, he started burping. Than he smiled. His first smile. He slept that night, no colicky episode. Suddenly, I had this intuition based trick to solve colic.

All of parenting has been like that. Like I know what to do if I stop and listen to that little voice. If I know, that I well... know.

Modern society squashes this. It establishes authorities and experts on these basic things that all of us are biologically programmed to do. Parent, love, eat, sleep, move our bodies, even breathe.

I was taught to not listen to that inner voice, but to rely on these authorities to tell me how to do the most basic of things, the things that are what life is truly about.

I found myself thinking on this due to a blog that's comments were about good and evil. An overly opinionated Modern Satinist decided to say that revenge killings are wrong and the state should handle this. Ankle bracelets and psychological treatment for dross!!

Nah, that's the kind of bullshit that goes against any logical reasoning I can find. I was given a set of creatures I love and will do anything to protect and nurture. While the "nurture " side is still considered societally acceptable, the protection aspect is ignored. How many women do you know that could, would, or even knows how to protect themselves? How many women that could would, or even know how to protect their young.

A human being is a two legged predator. It's a known fact. Society has domesticated us. However, hidden, whispering through everyone's subconscious is the knowledge of what they really are. Something vicious, terrifying, horrible, and somehow, indescribably beautiful.

Anyway, as the thread continued, the parents participating, "got it. " Even an ooey, soft and gooey new ager wrote "If somebody fucks with my babies, they better hope the pigs get them first. " Right on, that's what I want to cultivate within myself.

That emotional tone, that wordless, intuitive, I will kill for the ones I love, whore myself out for the ones I love, steal for the ones I love, no price is to great, no sacrifice to much to bear. That extends to myself first and than bleeds out to cover in differing amounts my people, the people I consider my tribe.

See, that is to me the "spiritual " or mindspace place. The emotional element. Next comes "drawing it down. " Doing things to manifest that in me, my body and my life. Testing myself to see where the line exists, developing the skills to make it a reality.

I have no personal use for the tattered representations of womanhood and motherhood that most occult schools have. Focusing on the nurturing aspects while denying that women are predators, killers in their own right. This is why I love Baphomet as an archetype, as the representation of the woman I want to become.

There has to come a point when a woman acts on that woman's intuition, become in the physical, that undercurrent that whispers in our minds. Manifest it, rather than just talk about it. Lose the abstractions that hide that true nature.

Nothing will ever be as misunderstood, evil, or maligned in a patriarchal society as woman. That's why an embracing of the True Feminine, the Sinister Feminine is essential in this time period, in an era of a broken Religious God, replaced by a society,it's Government and status quo memes.

FS3.0

Quote :

Oh sweet dear dead baby Jesus, FS thinks she's the Devil again ....

CP9.0

Influence

Everyone in the world thinks they are unaffected, that they are free mentally, and individuals. The truth is everyone is influenced, everyone is inspired, affected and shaped by others, by the life they live.

I used to buy the Satanists are born not made idea. I used to believe one could become completely free of "environmental " memetics . I don't anymore. Would I be who I am right now, if I had made different choices? If I had lived a different life? No, so how can I say while being intellectually honest that I was born a Satanist? No,  I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that my life experiences made me who I am. I can honestly say I don't really give a fuck one way or another either. I'm over it. 

I'm "over" a lot at this point. I have influences, there are people who have deeply affected my view on the World. Rather through what they said or a lesson interaction with them imparted. That's how memetics are spread. Someone says something, writes something, or you experience something and bam! it hits you deeply, in an intuitive, almost indescribable manner. It gives words to a previously wordless conclusion.

Resonance is not manipulation. It's more emotional than logical. Even if the writer intends to manipulate (which really just means they "get" memetics and have focused theirs) . The writer has no control of how a work has been interpreted. Rarely if ever do two individuals get the same thing out of a work. Some are influenced and inspired, some think it's crap.

Let me give you an example, I love Crowley. I was a Thelemite for awhile (I liked Babalon) . However, I never dug his Magickal writings much. I loved his fiction and his autobiography. Moonchild is still a favorite of mine.  It hit me in that emotional place, I found the World created beautiful.

The memetics he inserted (and you can bet your ass there is. Moonchild is Thelma 101 in so many ways) , explained Thelema better than all his Magickal shit put together, for me personally. Most Thelemites would say it was The Book of Law.

The point is nobody is memetically resistant. There is a constant bombardment being thrown at you. You can't become "free" of these influences. They're everywhere. It's a matter of finding a way to fight back, establish a worldview that makes you more skeptical, less programmable.

The other part, for me at least is choice. I choose what memetics I am exposed to. I avoid television, radio, mainstream news, etc as much as possible. I avoid institutions I disagree with, don't shop at stores whose business practices I abhor, and avoid memetics I know I don't want to have to fight off. This enables me to choose my battles, and have more energy when I do fight.

It's one of the reasons I am not online as much. I would prefer to do my battling in real life at the moment. Plus, most threads consistent of two people arguing over their opinions. Rarely is the end result one or the other changing their mind. Those were the back and forths I enjoyed having, when someone actually changed their mind.

I have my own goals and reasons that I write. I do most things with a purpose now, have been for awhile.The main one being the fact that very few women do participate and I want to see more women participating. Why? I am a selfish bitch and want to read what they write. I want to read about how the ONA affects other women and their lives. So I do it myself in order to influence through example.

So,  I have started targeting women specifically. I will go comment on their shit and see how they react. Three have really surprised me as of late, they are brilliant in their own ways.

Anyway, this blog is done. I know it's rambling and goes off topic but I don't care. Now that I don't link my blogs up to other sites I feel free.

FS3.0

For Mr. B or Revolutionary Rhetoric

Second response to Mr.B, focusing on him mentioning the ONA3.0 phenomenon at SIN. As always this is simply my take on things, others in the Kollective may disagree.

Revolutionary Rhetoric

Satan as an archetype (or in my case Master Idea, read my blog My Thoughts on Satan for more) has some very specific concepts involved. Evil. Opposition. Adversary. Accuser. Everyone knows what those are. Now, one that is being brought to light at places like SIN is Rebellion.

What is God as a Master Idea, in a secular society? The Government, the State. Law and Order. So.... what do the Adversaries of this God thang do at this point? Oppose the Religious God, one aspect of that Master Idea that has become an useless, dried husk? NO!! They continue to oppose God, the High God of this secular society, they begin to oppose, to rail against Society itself, and the. Government. It's laws, it's institutions, it's new status quo memes. Rather they are political correctness, Egalitarian values, the consumer culture each of us comes into contact with. These are the things that need to be burned down now, these are the sacred cows that need to be butchered.

You also have to look at the state of the economy, the populous, etc. Lots of people are pissed at how things are now. Anonymous and the Occupied Movement one example. The rise in membership in Extremist organization is on the rise. In the US, the economy sucks, we just got out of a housing crisis. Everyone is scared that it's going to come crashing down, most are just trying to ignore the shit going on. But the winds of destruction are in the air, and some people want to make it happen faster. This idea of Revolution, is in more than the Satanic community, it's everywhere.

Now, for me personally, my Praxis has a few base elements that have never changed. Burning off memes to get to my "core self " is a fundamental. Some memes can be read out, some a little critical thinking pulls out, some can be debated out. However, the most insidious memes, the ones with roots so deep, you think they are innate personality characteristics, have to be "done out ". In order to rid yourself of those requires more effort than most Satanists take.

So, some of the rhetoric 3.0 uses revolves around, making people ask themselves do they really oppose God in this society, by upholding it's laws, it's values? How are you transgressing to burn off memes?

For me personally, I just want to see the shit burn. I am utterly disgusted with most of humanity and just how apathetic they are. When I go in public places I feel like I am surrounded by a sea of zombies (wouldn't be so bad if this train of thought didn't give me nightmares) . I.want out. I am willing to do anything to achieve that goal of slipping off the map, so I can be more free than most.

FS3.0

For Mr.B or Forms, Essence, Etc

Reading around this morning I found somebody critiquing ONA3.0 and the ones who use SIN specifically. He referred to it as the ONA3.0 phenomenon. As with all things, I simply speak for myself and am offering my own perspective here. Others in the Kollective may disagree.
Form vs Essence

I understand the concept of form vs essence through my children. Each of them has the same DNA, the same genetic code but they are different. Different personalities, different looks, different intererests. They are being raised in the same way, by the same parents. However, are they the same? No, not at all. Those personality differences, their personality quirks, make them who they are.

Using children as an analogy, essence is the DNA they each have, form is their individual personalities, and their parenting and parents would be the ONA and the five core principles. This isn't hard to get, or difficult to understand.
The most important thing to remember is that language is an abstraction, it's the base of one's worldview. I can't tell you what essence is being described. You have to live it, manifest that acausal presence in your own life.

That essence is one that Satanism simply attempts to describe. Satanism is simply one form out there. Other forms work just as well, as long as they capture that essence.

FS3.0
P.S. This is only part one of a two part response.

Belonging...

Everyone wants to find others like them, people that feel like family. So, the hole in your heart from being unusual or different is filled, to find the missing piece of you. It's why we develop interpersonal relationships. It's why children are borne, friends are made. An inner pain that all humans have.

Much like any pain, that loneliness, that need to belong is the catalyst for growth, the reason any individual engages others. It's the form of pain that has produced all communities.,societies, and families. In order to stop feeling driftless, hopeless and lonely.

The cost of trying to squash that pain is influence. Others are let in to dull that pain, leading to emotional exposure, the opportunity exists to get hurt. You can be ousted by your group, disrespected by someone you are emotionally attached to. You're lover can decide you are unworthy. You're family may decide your lifestyle is abhorrent and unacceptable. Then what?

Answer :pain. Everyone can wax philosophical until the cows come home about "not giving a damn" but when it's your people on some level you DO care. You wonder what you could have done differently. You wonder if maybe they are right.

When I started practicing Satanism, I went all in.. I vowed that I wouldn't go halfway and be done with it. I vowed it would be the focus of my life and that I would live in accordance with it's principles. To never plateau or decide I am some know it all, pretentious asshat.

Mission accomplished so far. However, I am losing relationships left and right. My father won't speak to me because I am not LaVeyan and he thinks the ONA is to extreme. My mother and sister I cut out voluntarily but it hurts today and I can't give in, I can't call worthless dross people. My in laws think I am crazy for doing the things I've done recently. I have lost friends, quite a few for refusing to do what they want me to.

Should I feel pride for sticking to my path? Should I rail and rage against the injustice these people have done to me? Should I pretend it doesn't matter to me?

I don't have the emotional energy to pull it off. At this moment it just hurts. Good thing I embrace pain, it's when I know I'm alive and that I am going to learn. Anyway, fuck it. Happy Thanksgiving.

FS3.0

Church of Satan Dead?

Boyd Rice has declared the Church of Satin oops Satan dead. Huh? That institution died long ago . Now, as a former LaVeyan it made me think what killed that memeplex for me?

Simple, it died in 1975 when the TOS split occurred. The second that Satan became truly symbolic Modern Satanism started dying. The Satanic Panic just hurt it more.

Why did Atheism kill the Modern Satanism movement? Without a God construct there's nothing to oppose, no enemy to fight, nothing to live in defiance of, nothing to transgress against.
God as a construct still exists and most Atheists still worship God. As a symbol mythologically God is the personification of society, law, order, submission to a higher power. That never changes. In our secular society God is now the Magian memeplex. Holding back the true nature of man, but in new ways.

Political correctness, racial unity, being a law abiding citizen, Capitalism, Patriotism, these things are the Gods of today. An egalatarian mindset that permeates everything, even our thoughts.

The CoS never became oppositional to these new Gods. They bowed to the very master they claim to oppose. Modern Satanism became a joke, something that is blasphemous to the essence the word Satan attempts to describe.

Modern Satanists started to disgust me. How can you carry the name Satanist but be like everyone else. I started reading ONA stuff and realized they oppose these new Gods, they turn that opposition into a Praxis. I don't learn by reading, never have. If I read something I need to see something in my life that reflects it. So, this idea of learning by transgressing is ideal for me. I think the ONA has identified these new Gods due to the Theistic elements.

It makes someone want to be an incarnation of the Adversary, rather than a hollow shell of what Satan. There's a glamour, an evocative, inherently beautiful subtext to the concepts in the MSS that make one want to go DO, to manifest that acausal energy in the world.

FS3.0

Revolutionary Thought

The whole 3.0 thing has got me thinking about (r)evolution in a lasting sustainable form. How does a group of individuals who see the rotten core of the status quo fight back? What's the best, most effective way to burn it down?

Movements like Anonymous are a great start but the system allows pressure valves within it. Satanism is one. Peaceful protests, extremist movements all allowed, even protected by that system. Why is that?

Simple, they don't really stop the system. They make the mundanes close ranks. When things do get violent the system uses that as a chance to show the majority it's needed For safety. This monster grows when opposed., gets larger. At this point they police every aspect of life. Mr. Dread once wrote "you're not free even in you're head. " I would add they give you the thoughts, all of us are programmed from birth. So, most conform. The few who don't are easily and quickly taken care of.

Beyond that, even if it fell away today, any new system would mimic the old one in time. It's what most of us have been taught is normal from birth.
So, what is a lasting fix? What changes this for the next generation? They hold the key. It's why I feel Long says the goal is Aeonic. If the next generation is more independent, less programmed, and their children less programmed than them, and that trend continues the cycle will break.

It's an issue that needs to be attacked at a cultural level as well. Alternatives to the magian lifestyle have to be developed. Parents that value their independence over comfort. People who develop and live in a tribal manner. Who follow the Sinister code of honor and make it a foundation for law on their own land. Who impart these things to a new generation by living that way.

The true, lasting sustainable destruction of this system lies with my children. and their peers. As I lead by example, show them their is a better way. Teach them to value family over things. My 8 year old said yesterday, "anybody can be my family if they are like you mommy. "

Experience Learning

So, I was sitting on the couch this morning hungover as fuck. Head pounding, stomach in knots,. I have heartburn from steak and shake, on top of it.

I start reassessing my night. Thinking about what I could have done differently. How can I avoid feeling this way again? Less alcohol? Yep. No more steak and shake, I never get heartburn and I eat some crazy shit. That place is on my permanent do not eat list.

As I'm running through this, I started thinking about an article I read in a parenting magazine about Experience Learning. Researchers did a study with toddlers. 1,000 parents participated. The parents let the kids in the kitchen while cooking and turn the oven on. Half the parents scolded their children in any attempts to touch the oven. The other group let the toddler touch the oven and when the toddler jerked their hand back said, "Hot, that's hot."

The results were interesting. The toddlers that had been scolded for trying to touch the oven, continued to attempt to touch the oven. The parents engaged in daily battles to stop their child from doing it. The group that had never touched the oven, did not understand the difference between cold and hot when tested. Guess how the other group faired?

After touching the oven once they never tried again. Parents reported the talkers in the group said hot when seeing the oven. Upon testing they knew the difference between cold and hot.

The researchers were calling for a return to experience learning. It was proven in this study children learn by doing.

What I Search For....

Since society has become Patriarchial, women and the Feminine Archetypes have been infected. Distorted by what society, the status quo wanted women to be. This distortion, this misapprehension still exists today.

It's what I and other women like me have to fight against. Most women simply continue to perpetuate these archetypes. They never concept their own nature, so they conform to those boxes. The mother who does it all, throws away her sexuality in favor of a full time job, soccer practice and making a house to rival Martha Stewart. A career woman denies her natural instinct to reprouce for spreadsheets. It's everywhere and these Magian ideals are spread to the next generation of girls. Women are the biggest enemy of true Freedom, of Empathic understanding of the Femiinine.

I do not know a single woman in real life that takes self defense seriously. That views the knowledge of how to defend and protect herself and her own young as important. I have sacrificed being thin and hot in favor of this ideal. My arms now have definition, but have horribly ugly feet with callouses and blisters. My hands have blisters and callouses. I have bruises, cuts, scars, etc. I feel MORE beautiful now. Like I am finally hitting close to what Motherhood should be, like I am closer to the True (Sinister) Feminine.

I call it the True Feminine for a reason. They don't get to tell me what Motherhood is. There is something raw, dark, visceral, and evil to womankind. Misunderstood by most, misappopriated continuously. According to Judeo Christian memes women are not only the root of all Evil, but no better than chattel. I think it's due to something unspoken: Women perpetuate culture. They mold and shape the next generation minds. To control woman is to control the minds of the youth.

Fuck you're Magian ideals, you're interpretations of Femininity. I seek what lies beneath, the inner power that can never truly be oppressed.

Is There Any Hope?

This question came from my mother in law while seeing my new apartment the first time. This was followed by her magian rant. About my children and how they are suffering for my decision to move and sell my house. She statted to cry and tell me ALL children deserve to be raised according to a certain standard (hers).

Now as she went on her tirade, I starting thinking, Am I crazy? To take them away from the prototypical American dream? To start making a true grab for independance of the system. I felt doubt of my path for the first time.

Than she finally left. I was sitting outside and thinking about it. I feelt like a poser in suburbia. Like I didn't belong. Plastic, false and I hated it. It was my dream, something idealized from a childhood of the opposite. I got what everyone wants and I never fit in, I never felt truly at home. Like at any moment they would realize I was a fraud, a charlatin. I didn't belong.

Here it's different. I grew up on these streets, I know this place. What used to be something different. I went to the same school my kids do. I am home and I am happy. There's hope. A first step to an end goal. To feed my kids the Magian dream is a form of child abuse, from my perspective.

FS3.0

Kollective Thinking

I am not an individual,

I am a member of the Kollective,

One who upholds personal responsibilty,

Antimonian and Transgressive acts above mundane pratter,

One who extends honor to her brethren,

The others presencing the Dark,

A manifestation of the Sinister Feminine,

One Dark presence among many, here for war on the Mundane,

Run for your lives, we are Legion, I am only one.

The Morality Fallacy

There is a line of rhetoric running around Satanic forums lately, I just don't get. I call it the morality fallacy. Basically, instead of attacking a person's ideas they go after them for being morally inferior. A friend of mine was called a drug dealer. Another friend of mine was called a white collar fat cat. I have personally been called a whore, a Christian(the Satanic version of blasphemer), a yes man (because we're all Super Serial Individualists, lol), a racist, etc.

I just don't understand. Within a philosophy that advocates personal freedom and autonomy, the throwing off of society's shackles, ammorality and Individualism, why a moral attack is considered valid. Everytime I read these and realize it's a good indicater of who is us aand who is them.

Even if every acccusation written were true, what would it matter? Wouldn't that fall to personal choice? A woman who isa literal whore can't be a Satanist? I get if she's philosophically retarded, that's a different matter.

At some point this path leads to demonization by the status quo and thse attacks reflect that. The person throwing out the insult, based on Magian morality, is still bound to it. Someone that is )resencing the dark gets thrown into a box to be feared and thus dismissed. That fucktard than g#tts to ride of on their mental high horse and feel superior.

I don't do this much.I have to much of my own shit to worry about.

Being Taken Seriously....

"Remember, a smart witch may not be taken seriously at first, but later will be viwed with seriousness." Anton LaVey. This quote is my favorite by LaVey. It's a little piece of inspirsation that gets me through. See, I deal with this ALL the time. A sit down and shut up mentality a lot of people have. You're pretty, so you must be dumb. These memes can be manipulated to a woman's advantage.

Hell I do it all the time. I act a little dumber than I am. I will play to a man's baser instimcts. There is power in dismissal, power in being considered weaker on some level. Men like to have the power, why not let them? A woman has a different set of tools to use for social mnipulation. Most women hate the idea of using sexuality and stereotypes of women as a weapon.

If you have issues with that, ask yourself a question: Can you take the average man in a physical fight? Men are naturally, biologically made to be fighters. They are predisposed to being bigger, stronger and faster.

My detractors frequently call me a follower, a cheerleader, or rail about me having shown my tits in the past. I find thisrather amusing. Rather than hitting my ideas, they go for these societal based conception that pretty and sexual means stupid. Grow up dumbshits.

For Sakurai Or Don't Be a Victim

Sakurai, I read your blog and the responses. Your blog was an illustration of why I fight back. Why I feel ALL women should know how to defend themselves. You weren't experiencing shyness. You are a walking victim. That was good old fashioned fear.

The minute you go out you are truly exposed, vulnerable. As an unarmed and untrained woman, you are scared as a result. Walking in a sea of predators. That guy who was acting weird set off your survival instinct. That's why you reacted the way you did. The knowledge in the back of your mind he could take what he wanted. He could have raped you, killed you, etc. Own that fact, it leads to an essential point.

While facing your fears is important and a critical part of the LHP, so is self defense. How can an individual feel self confidence if they would be a victim in a physical situation.? One of the things I have done as part of my praxis to lose shyness, is become a predator.

Shyness is simply fear manifesting. I am a smallish female myself. I figuredd out a while ago I wanted to be a predator. A walking manifestation of the Sinister Feminine. So, I carry pepper spray, a knife and a gun at all times. I have taken self defense classes. My physical fitness is almost a religion for me. I am now searching for a good fighting style to train in.

These things have made my confidence SOAR. I know that I can take someone down. I know I am just as ferocious as that idiot behind me. I always get "shyer" when I am unarmed, more afraid. Confidence can come from a piece of cold steel and the knowledge you can take someone twice your size down.


Get trained and armed. Most men don't get the crawling voice of being physically weak.

The Urban Jungle

In my life I have done a lot of things, lived in a lot of different places. When I was a kid we were poor. I grew up in bad neighborhoods, trailer parks, and the projects. Than I grew up, seized the American dream and got out.

What happens when an individual realizes they bought a lie? That their achievements are ths ones of "those other guys"? Well if they are a person of action, they get a new dream. So, I sold my house and am living as inexpensively as possible. The goal is to eventually become nomadic.

So, I am back in the urban jungle. Funny thing is as an adult I am terrified. Scared I'll get shot, scared I'll be robbed, injured, etc. The first day someone asked me if I wanted to make some extra money. Took me a few seconds to figure out he thought I was a crackwhore. Lol, in the suburbs I was an attractive housewife and the rumor was I had an eating disorder.
Had a crackhead knock on the door today and offer me crack. Put his foot in the door so I wouldn't shut it. I was terrified, I felt helpless. After a crying fit, after mentally deciding I was going back to my house, after the list of justifications ran through my mind to end this experiment, I realized something. I know how to deal with this shit. I grew up in these kinds of situations.

I have become conditioned to a "safe" environment. Living that way has made me weak. I have inside me an ability to endure shit most people would go insane from. Harnessing that inner strength, remembering the fact that humans are horrible creatures is what I need to do now.

Egalatarianism Is Bullshit.

Nothing is created equal. No person, no thought, no idea, no worldview is equal to another. Never has been and never will be. This idea that we are all Super SpecialSnowflakes is a justification of the weak. A way to hold on to the idea that YOU are somehow special, somehow perfect.

Most hold onto this idea for one reason: fear. The crawling fear that whispers in the back of your head that you are less than others. That your ideas suck, that you're less intelligent, that your worldview would crumble under scrutiny. The ugly truth is that voice is right.
You're worldview is built on quicksand and will crumble upon inspection. You're ideas do suck and you are less intelligent than others. All of us have people that are superior in some way to us in the pecking order of the world.

Part of letting go of egalatarianism is realizing you have weaknesses. Things you need to improve on, holes in your logic, gaps in your knowledge. I view any weakness i find in myself an opportunity advancement, something new to learn. When the glaring gaps in my logic are pointed out, i am grateful. It gives me an opportunity to become stronger, to become one of the mighty.

As long as one believes "all is equal", the longer they live a life of weakness, clinging to an unwillingness to learn. This stunts one's growth on the LHP. I should know. I am a recovering egalatarian.

Time Changes You (a response to Mabuzi)

Over at MySatan, Mr. Dread asked Mabuzi a few basic questions about his views on Apotheosis. Now, I didn't have a clue what it meant or why some long dead languages wordwas being brought up. Anyway, he said babies were at that state. Whut?

A baby is almost free of memes, I will agree with that. The mother as she raises a child builds a memeplex for them, through interaction, through the use of language, through example. It's all abstractions, built over a child's essence.

Now as we get older, abstractions are added, taken away, burned in the fire that is life. Everyone evolves, becomes someone else as the years go on. I am not the same person I was two years ago, or even six months ago. That's normal, every person goes through this.

The thing that irks me about Mabuzi's statement is as you age, you know more, due to experience. You are closer to Apotheosis, the closer you get to death,under his understanding of the term. You can't stop learning. You can hide from the lessons, refuse to embrace the evolution of aging but it still occurs.

One who is on the LHP, is choosing how to evolve personally, by putting themselves through antimonian experiences. Cultivating a deliberate, controlled version of personal volution.

You Must Learn to Crawl, Before You Learn To Walk..

I read posts by wannabe revolutionaries all the time and think the title of this blog.Dreams of utopias, perfect societies, perfect governments and the like. It all sounds good on paper.

I don't do this at all. I don't need or want a perfect world. I want my own existence 2o be in line with my praxis. I have a laser focus on learning how to survive and thriive without the system. As i learn these things the culture i am passing down to my children changes. It becomes about personal responsibility, i lose my deependency on the system, so my trix {;)} do to.

This is the best way to change things in my opinion. Fight back, traangress, lose one's own dependency on the system. Set an example, show an alternative to having the systm's cock shoved down your throat. Someone may be inspired to do the same. If not, fuck it. You are free.

The Third Self

Mr. Dread wrote an excellent blog on the self called The Adversary to the Adversary. That blog got me thinking about the other self, the third self. This is a mindbaby off sorts, created from reading that blog. After careful deliberation, i am letting the Dreadisms and way my first draft imitated his writing stand.

There are three yous. The way you view yourself, the real you, and the way others see you. Most people ignore this third self. Pretend it doesn't exist. However when battling the Adversary, the way you percieve yourself, the third self can be an ally. A causal abstraction you can set against the causal abstraction you have created of yourself.

The third self has it's own abstractions attached to it. Others emotional attachement, sexual attraction, percieved rivalry, dislike,hatred, etc. It is easy to discount this third self due to that but it lacks YOUR abstractions placed upon it. The third self is built through interaction with others, what you project in a social situation. If a person is part of your tribe, family so to speak, their assessment of who you are, the third self may be more accurate than the way you percieve yourself. So, look the third self, that loathsome creature in the face. You may find causal abstractions you didn't know were there.

The Cost of Personal Progress

I came to the LHP a fairly good, nice person. Egalitarian (everybody has strengths and weaknesses), the kind of person most people want in the world. Somehow along the way I shattered that girl . That personality I manifested was an abstraction. A manifestation of well mundanity. I had accepted what society said was good and evil.

Than I started actually walking the path, doing Satanism. I exited the doorway, the LaVeyan mindset and looked beyond it. Started reading Long heavily. Realized I was a joke of an Adversary. Here's the ugly truth, I rarely see talked about: large portions of my personality wweren't real. Entire portions of my worldview were a lie. When you break those, you feel mentally shattered, like you are killing off the best parts of you.

Moments that make me wonder if I continue, will I go insane? What will the cost for this ultimately be? I am unable to relate to the average person. I hold a few people very close to ny heart. The ones who I know intuitively are like me. Otherwise, I detest the inanity of their actions, their words, their society. They don't see what's important, the inner power they have.

It makes me feel disconnected. Hardened by having seen a piece of the truth. I have lost a part of me that was innocent, hopeful, and had faith in humanity.

Fighting Back 3: Needs

A human being needs three things to live: food, water and shelter. That's it. Western society does a funny thing to it's citizens. It creates a false set of needs, while obscuring those three basics. They are assumed to be there rather than needing to be worked for. This ultimately makes the people who inhabit this society weak, completely dependent upon the "system" to provide these three basics. It's the ultimate in slavery, forced dependency for those three things.

We perceive needs from a false perspective most of the time. We NEED the latest gadget. We NEED the latest fashion item. We NEED to go to that concert. We NEED e;ectricity. The list goen on forever. Consumerism is not a need. It's a series of wants, wrapped up in what is societally acceptable. The comfort Western society gives it's citizens is an anomaly. The truth is that comfort, the delusion that the way we live is normal, is the biggest causal abstraction of all.

If it all goes away tommorrow, most Westerners are fucked. How may people actually know how to provide those basic needs without them being "piped in" ir store bought? Can you produce your own food? Make your own shelter? Find usable water?

These are the questions that have filled my mind for a while now. They are a piece of the road that led to Satanism. Society is categorically fucked, I hate my own dependency on it. I have small children, my own Aeonic legacy to maintain and protect. How can I protect them from the inevitable? How do I ensure that they survive? How do I teach them to survive, when I was never taught?

This is a main part of my praxis and becomes moreso everyday. Fuck esoteric knowledge and thinking deep, free thoughts. I need to learn how to sew, how to weave, how to quilt. I need to be able to make clothing if necessary. I have to learn how to defend myself and my children. I need to know how to hunt, how to farm, how to dig a well, how to make weapons.

I spent the day Friday learning to make ammunition. I was both terrified I would blow myself up and excited to use my own hand made bullets. Most peopole don't see this kinda shit as Satanic. To me, it's the most important part. How is an individual going to drop those societal memes, while knowing in the back of their heads, they are absolutely dependant on it for survival?

I want to know that when the shit hits the fan I'm prepared. To lose my dependency on somrthing that doesn't really exist and is well..... doomed. Most importantly I have to teach my children the same, to be self reliant. This is my current "place" for what it's worth (Beast did ask, so here it is). Preparing to fight back, before it's to late. Becoming a Lioness, instead of a sheep ready for slaughter.

Does Satan as a Symbolic Construct Matter?

There was a thread at SIN that brought this up. Basically somebody said that if you don't use Satan you are a "mean atheist." Now I do disagree with this statement. Be

I feel Satanism is a verb, an action. That rather than serving an archetype a Satanist should embody that archetyoe. Rather than a religion, with all those constructs attached that Satanism is the at of BE~coming Satan. To guestion society and it's constructs, to live in dire,t opposition to those ideals that all of us were force fed from birth.

I have never had much use for the classic Devil beyond what I have stated. Nor have I ever questioned my Satanity.. I use Dark Goddesses mostly. The ones who sit in direct opposition to a male high God typically. All of my ritual work is based upon tricking my brain into deciding I am that Goddess incarnated in a human body and it works for me.

So the question is does Satan ad a symbolic construct matter beyond,embodying that ideal?

Untitled...

When it comes to self evolution, progression is the law. How does one acicurately gauge their own progression? Avoid the pitfalls of pretentiousness d, self deceit, and a low self image. It's easy to pick up bits and pieces from ohters. Creating your own,vector of Satanism, that's hard. Every time I put forth my own personal vector I am unsure. I don't want to pulish it, I don't want tosh share.

However,it is time. I am a unique voice in the LHP. I need to join,that chorus of creators. So, stay tuned to this spot. Less introspection and ,more creation is coming.

Honor

Is honor a code someone subscribes to? Or is it something innate, something descriptive? By following a code of honor, does one submit to something higher than oneself?

I was not raised in a culture that perpetuates the idea of honor. I wasn't raised in a household that set honor as a standard to uphold. The opposite is the case actually. I was raised in an every person for themselves manner. Depend on nobody, they will eventually fuck you over, is my mother's matra (she says this while leeching of everyone around her, but I digress).

So, I have been memetically programmed from birth to be honorless. Then I discovered Individuality without a purpose, oops I mean Modern Satanism. ;) Most people that call themselves Satanists have no honor, no real sense of personal responsibility, no real class to how they act. Anybody who defends their brethren, is ruled a pack member or a sheep. Anybody who admits they are deeply inspired by another is following them, a groupie or a fan girl.

When I first posted at SIN I was honest about how I felt about certain posters here. I had no concept of who was a "Big Dog" and who wasn't. I immediately clicked with Mr. Dread and a few others. This unique handful of people shaped my thinking, made me realize I wasn't comepletely alone. That my aching loneliness, the knowlegde that I was different than most, could hurt a little less. I was happy and most importantly, I was applying what I was learning to my life.

Then it happened. The others got to me. I was constantly being told that I bowed, that I submitted, that I was a follower or some kind of cyber whore. It got to me. Is it true, am I a groupie? Is my friendship with people affecting how I view their work? Is the only reason anyone reads my work is because I'm an attractive woman? Are these individuals that compliment my mind, really just trying to get in my pants? Am I weak? And on and on and on. I had no doubt, until I starting caring what the larger collective thought. Then I was filled with it, choking on the idea that these assholes were right. Questioning every post I ever wrote.

So, I changed my approach. I became an individual without a purpose. A parody of a woman screaming "RESPECT ME, I'm more than just a body. I have a brain to!!!!" It nauseates me now to think about. Now that I realize by pulling this shit, I was actually submitting to a collective, the Super Serial Individual Collective, LOL.

Then the "ONA Wave" happened. Even more shocking for me, Mr. Dread went ONA. I had a tough question to ask myself. If every damn person you resonate with is ONA what are you? Might want to look into that, duh. Then I read a post over at WSA352. and it was using Martial Arts as an analogy of why they are ONA. Basically, if your Sensei is practicing one form of Martial Arts, you tip your hat to it. It's about Honor and respect (really bad paraphrase).

A realization slapped me in the face at that moment. You are honorless bitch FS. if you don't do the same, you have no honor. If you don't tip your hat to those people who took the time and attention to help improve your form, you are an honorless dog. Fuck the collective of Mundanes without a purpose. You have always "done" Satanism. "I learn more by doind and interacting, than reading" is your own personal tagline. You say it so much, you should just tattoo it to your forehead. So, you are also ONA, Mr. Dread, Mindfux, WSA352, and that handful of others, deserve that much respect from you.

Ironically enough, since making this decision, my growth has been GINORMOUS. I have gained the respect of some individuals that are well, amazing. I still fail, I still struggle at times, but I am not getting "stuck" as often. I no longer care what the Mundane Collective thinks. I am happier, more certain of my own path. I discovered Honor, something that I have always had but never fully understood. It's not a herd mentality to admit that someone has helped you, or inspired you. It's honorable, it's respectful and most importantly, it's true for all of us.

Respect....

Respect. One word with so many ramifications, implications, definitions and on occasion speculation attached to it. I was reading threads on here and saw how often this word comes up. Just how heated a conflict can become when someone voices disrespect of another. Most of the time, the word respect is used as a Satanic version of I like you. I am guilty of this myself.

As I was reading these threads I came across a glaring personal flaw. I have, in the past used the word respect in ways that make it trite, meaningless, and as a platitude to appease someone else's ego. See, my personal biggest societal meme is egalitarianism. I have been and continue to work on this weird PC egalitarian meme I carry around. My last couple of blogs have been that particular mouse roaring as it were. I hate hurting someone's feelings, I hate watching other people hurt and so many people are emotionally connected to their ideas. So, I have used this word, respect according to a weird, everyone's opinion is right manner. Honestly after reading these threads and due to some IRL "doing" of Satanism I am disgusted with myself and my former use of this word.

Why does it disgust me? It's an intellectuall dishonest statement borne out of a weird pity I feel for people that are weak (I know, I know). It makes my use of the term respect meaningloess. It is disrespectful to the few people that have earned and deserve my "true" respect. The people I personally feel are front runners progressing the Satanic current forward. I have effectively slapped all of them in the face with my white washing of the term respect. It is dishonrable to those individuals and makes me look weak and bleh, New Agey. When I say, "I respect you" it should have a real meaning attached to it.

Due to my own meaningless interpretation of the word respect (which is a manifestation of my former Egalitarian infection), I have made another critical error. I have assumed others use the term as I do. So when someone has told me they respect me, I have viewed it as a Satanic version of I like you. Personal projection is a bitch on occasion.

The truth is if you respect everyone and everything, you respect nobody and nothing. Not even yourself. As I have examined this, I've realized my former PC, societal version of respect has been a form of self deceit. A way to appease others or make them feel better. It's never been true, it's waht I've said (or written) but not how I felt.

To the few people that I genuinely respect (and I think they know who they are), I am truly sorry. To the people that have paid me this high compliment I am truly sorry. I didn't get it before, but I do now. I will now use this term appropriately. I am past the whole egalitarian, PC thing at this point (finally), it has been washed away through "doing" Satanism (and it sucks to be honest, my whole worldview just got A LOT darker).

Beautiful Humanity?

I did a blog where I said humanity was beautiful and got ripped a new one. I found most of the posts to be thought provoking and intelligent as always. It made me ask the question: Why did I say humanity was beautiful? What do I mean when I say that? Well, I do find humanity beautiful, largely because they are horrible (little Parson's reference for you).

Beauty is a subjective idea at it's best. What one person finds beautiful another person finds gross, objectionable, offensive, horrible, etc. Satanism is a great example of this. I would use the term beautiful for that antimonian, heterodox, school of thought. The visceral and occasionally volatile nature of it's true adherents I find fascinating.

Humanity has always had an indomitable will as a whole I find fascinating. A willingness to step on anyone or anything that gets in their way to achieving MORE. It is a bloody, vicious, nasty species. An upright walking, intelligent (in some cases semi intelligent), predator. Possibly the most vicious in existence. That is True Beauty in my opinion.

So, I do agree with the post that Mindufux wrote (honestly I LOVE it), I agree with all the naysayers on the "beauty of humanity." I just happen to find humanity beautiful, for their true nature, their potential.

FS


P.S. Remember, I also wrote humans are monsters. ;)

Reading ONA MSS Thoughts....

So, I've really started reading this shit. Temple of THEM, Numinious Way, 7FSW, WSA352, etc (part of what I've been off doing).

Now, I personally LOOOOVVVEEEE The Numinious Way. It's my personal favorite, along with WSA352 and their material. It is more "in tune" with my own personal leanings. Now, all of this reading has led me to a question, so I thought I would share. :)

Why do you oppose the "Magian"? Is it for hate or love? Now hate and love are eternally bound together due to the fact that they are opposites according to most. I believe both hate and love are different extremities of the same emotion (I think it was Mr. Dread who said the opposite of love is apathy not hate. Makes sense). This is the most extreme emotions go.

Now, some people oppose for hate. The blood on their hands. For me, it's a fundamental love of the species of humanity. For a species that has managed what it has. The fact that society oppresses this beautiful's species natural inclinations disgusts me.

A Few Random Thoughts....

What absolutely kills me, is when someone has done something stupid and then does it OVER and OVER and OVER again. Then when that wrong is pointed out, they take the infallible position. That it was either something or someone else who wronged them. The universe is out to get them, etc. Really amuses me.

Do I have failures and shortcomings in my life? Do I sometimes fail and fail badly. Oh yeah!! I just recently was attempting to complete a physical fitness challenge and broke my foot. That makes me a failure actually. The universe wasn't out to get me, I didn't whine and moan about my failure (which I am pissed about to be honest). See, in my head I am a SuperWarrior. Think Buffy, Salt, Xena Warrior Princess, etc. Now, I know it's not true, it's my motivator. It's my aspiration. To discover I am just a 32 year old mortal woman that can break a bone was humbling. I had to learn to FAIL and FAIL big.

I view the previous example as a good example of what a real failure is, not that you quit (that's quitting difference). You can't, no matter the circumstances, complete the act. It is a humbling experience to realize you can fail, you will fail. I think the most important thing is to not whine, piss and moan, but move on to something else. Be  HONEST with yourself.

Interwebz Irritation.......

I am writing this because I see a little "trend" that pops up on these various networking sites pop up again that really, really pisses me off. It's the "Can't we all just get along" trend.

It is well known that I hang out at SIN. It's a site that uses stratification over typical "hierarchy style" models used at other sites. I LIKE that. I always have. When the shit hits the fan to hard or I for some reason can't handle the conflict there, I will take a break (rather than "spinning out" publically or deleting my account (again) ). I don't try to change the place. I don't make blogs or posts saying everyone should "play nice". Why? I know it will never happen.

The conflict at these sites is there for a reason. It can be used to your own advantage. If you post something and it gets ripped to shreds it probably sucks. I had one such blog myself and a slight change (after a HUGE back and forth) made it one of my best. Mr. Dread talks about this use of the conflict in his blogs The Fire and Application. I feel these "Assassins" provide a service to ALL users. Even if you disagree with the assessment of your work, at least you recieved an alternate opinion. To say we should all "respect each others extra special super serial individuality", would make this way to refine yourself, to test yourself, no longer available.

All "umbrella groups", will endlessly debate the ins and outs of what they subscribe to. There's a reason for this. To define what is the "core" and what is "dogma". That's what happens at sites like SIN as well. One group in this odd Satanic subculture, won't agree with another. The LaVeyans will always sneer at the ONA. The ONA will always feel it's way is better due to the "doing" aspect. The Postmodern Satanists will feel their stuff is superior. The "Self Styled" will proclaim everyone else sheep. The Theists will..... well.... LOL (Just one intelligent Theist would make me happy. Just to interact with one!). Why? The same reason Christians infight. The same reasons Muslims beef with each other. Each "sect" will have an absoluteness attached to their belief system. That's human nature.

Now to use an analogy, If I was a Baptist would I care that a Catholic felt I was flawed in my perspective? No, I would feel my denomination was ABSOLUTELY right. Would me and a Catholic have a few beliefs in common? Yeah, that would be "core Christianity" for lack of a better term.

So, these endless back and forths do serve a purpose beyond testing of ideas. It REFINES the "core" of Satanism. Makes it better defined. All of these sites are like constantly evolving, TSB's. If I participate I get to help write a chapter, help define that core, make the picture a little clearer than it was before. Can the "infighting" be childish, cruel, or seem unnecessary at times? Yeah, but it is needed, it is necessary to get Satanism to EVOLVE, to move forward in some sense.

Satanism needs to in a very base, core way demonstrate the raw, visceral, bloody way that is LIFE itself. It needs to reflect REALITY. If you don't like the conflict, DON'T PARTICIPATE. Turn off your computer and *gasps* walk away. These sites don't need to change, grow softer in order to save an individual's feelings. They WORK and WORK well for a reason.

Shrinkage?!?!?!?

I just found out another woman I respect and admire has dropped the label Satanist. *sighs* I am always a happy for someone when I notice growth, notice a visible evolution in their thought process. To me it's proof they are doing the work, actually walking the walk so to speak. I always want to congragulate them for moving forward, moving to something new, striking their own path.

Then there's the OTHER part of me, the selfish part. It screams NO!!!!!, NOT AGAIN!!!! Come back. It's worse when it's a woman I respect and admire. This part of me feels a little sad, a little more alone when someone moves on.

Since I have started this journey I have come in direct contact with about ten women that fit the bill, that I resonated with. Out of 10 hmmmm..... let's see....... 1 is now a Chaoist, 1 is now a Philosophical Atheist, 1 has Luciferian leanings, 1 is making an offline transition, 1 is active at another network than I am, and 4 have just disappeared. Kinda depressing to be honest.

I have never once thought of changing my praxis. It doesn't even cross my mind, to me it's a "choiceless act", nothing else fits and I've looked around at a lot of different things. It FEELS right. I may change "associations", gain new influences, find a new author to admire, but it stays Satanism. Even when it's lonely, even when I have faced one of my biggest demons and feel my sanity breaking, it stays the same.

So this is me a little disheartened, a little sad at another Sinister Sister being silenced. I guess the Sinister Feminine wants it's walking representatives, silent, lurking in the shadows.

This made me laugh hysterically. Oh and Iggy is in it. WIN!!

External Influences

How much of what I think, I believe, I do, is from my "core self" and how much of it is from external influences? How much personal fufillment am I deriving from these external influences? How much is the opinion of my critics, my peers affecting me? Do I really care what others think? What am I really doing when I post on the internet?   These are the questions that prompted my dissapearance.

 

  My own personal progress on the LHP, has always reminded me of the Tortiose and the Hare story. I'm the hare. I hit the LHP at a break neck speed running as fast as I can. Except I get tired or distracted, and stop progressing for time periods. Then I'm off again until the next distraction catches my attention. Rather than a slow and steady pace, my progress happens in a FAST/STOP manner. I want to change that about myself, come to a point where I make slow and steady progress on the path I am on. No distractions, keep my eye on the "end goal."  

 

  Beyond all that, publishing my own personal victories all the time feels to much like bragging or a way to derive  personal fufillment from external influences. That was never my intention. My intention was to walk the path, and publish my journey in order to inspire someone else to. Deriving a sense of personal accomplishment from the positive feedback was an intoxicating  side effect of that. One that caused me to get distracted, get stuck yet again.   Then there's the "masses" I deal with. Who's worthless opinions at times made me doubt myself, my journey. Made me question decisions made of resonance, of intuition. Why? I cared. I really did. I may of been talking the talk, but I was not walking the walk. I was deriving  a sense of personal fufillment from others, from being "popular."  

 

   So the question came down to SELF, to just ME. What I resonate with is apparent. My beliefs, my journey has  simply hardened, crystalized into a paradigm of resonance and intuition. At the end of the day what matters is how I live my life, what I do. The rest is meaningless casual abstractions, casting doubt on what I already know.

Adversaries

*loosely inspired by a handle used on SIN

Adversary1: I am an Adversary so I listen to black metal.

 

Adversary2: I am an Adversary so I shaved my head and grew a goatee.

 

Adversary3: I am an Adversary so I flipped off my parents.

 

Adversary4: I am an Adversary so I wear all black.

 

Adversary5: I am an Adversary so I am a slut.

 

Adversary6: I am an Adversary so I follow LaVey.

 

 Adversary7: I am an Adversary so I hate grammar and spelling.

 

Adversary8: Quick question Adversaries, what do you oppose, what are being Adversarial to? What are you fighting against?

 

Adversary1: Stuff.

 

Adversary2: Hair.

 

Adversary3: You're judgmental 8.

 

Adversary4: Color.

 

Adversary5: I'll sleep with you, quit asking questions.

 

Adversary6: You, asshole.

 

Adversary 7: I don't know.

 

Adversary8: That's what I thought, you oppose nothing.

My Thoughts on Satan

I have firmly touted the idea that Satan is an archetype in the past. That my goal was to become a Female version of that archetype. I have fallen in love with the beauty of Gods like Babalon, Ishtar, Inanna, Tiamat, Isis, Kali Ma, etc. Any female Goddess I could find to put that beautiful, but dark label on. Forging a path I felt was unique and timeless, excitedly delving into mythological accounts, in an attempt to understand the Female Archetype of Satan. I found what I was looking for, and it was beyond anything I ever thought, and the ultimate realization was simple, I was wrong.

 

While there are mythological Gods and Goddesses that are representations of Satan, they are fun house mirrors. Each Goddess I have explored catches one aspect, one facet. None of them are the absolute Satan. They are twisted, partial reflections of what I intuitively feel Satan as a concept is. I have never found one that is an exact replica of me, or what I feel intuitively when I think of what Satan and Satanism represents. Never have. I have searched, looked, pondered, and debated this idea endlessly. I have read book after book, hoping somebody somewhere, would give me a hint. Then it hit me. There is the physical universe. It has very specific constructs. I live in it, everyone does. Beyond that, is ideas. Constantly bouncing off of each other, mutating, growing, changing, building on each other. Being interpreted by humans, evolved, blasted, made over, etc. Everything started as an idea. Ideas create more ideas, etc. So, what is Satan? hell what is everything I touch, smell, taste and see? An idea, brought into the physical by someone. Rather it's a computer, or an apple (ie, the apple got it's name, from the idea it represents).

 

Satan, is to me personally, just that an idea, a concept. A "Master Idea", that embodies about half of the ideas I encounter. Anything ugly, profane, unseen, feared, rejected, etc. Mr. Dread would use the word antimonian and it applies. So does heterodox. I define Satan roughly as, That which is rejected or unaccepted by society. By default, Satan is also that which opposes Society and it's constricts. A large concept, and a difficult one to explain. Somehow, I just know it. I just don't have the vocabulary to explain it in it's totality, I don't think it exists, in any language. It is something that has always been there, a dark veil over my whole life, whispering, "You're part of the darkness, admit. Embrace it and see what you truly are, what you will become."

Birds in the Parking Lot

I walked to the store this morning and there were hundreds of birds in the parking lot. I had a bit of an A-HA moment at that sight.

No matter how much of the World is paved, no matter how many concrete cities are built, Nature will never be subjugated, never outdone. Humans beings are dependent on Nature not the other way around.

I have come to the conclusion that Wetern society's lost sight of nature and our natural environment. The comfort of modern life has created a softness, a blindness within the culture I was raised in. Most Westerners run from a climate controlled home, to a climate controlled car, to a climate controlled building. They don't come into contact with the natural world anymore, and in a lot of cases, forget it exists. There's a wisdom, an intuitive understanding of an individual's surroundings that gets lost in the shuffle most of the time.

I can understand the reasons the Earth was worshipped historically. The beauty, the raw power, the completely dependent relationship all beings have with this "thing", this it that is everywhere and ultimately inescapable. I feel this thing called nature, is the closest I will ever get to "God", or a "spiritual experience." It's all I have, and that is enough for me personally.

Stripper Mentality?

I read this little gem of a phrase on another blog and it got me thinking about my time (currently, back to doing it) as a Stripper, and how false this idea, this phrase is. Not all Strippers are doing it because Daddy didn't hug them enough, or some other lame ass Hallmark movie stereotype. They are not dancing prostitutes. Most are doing it TO MAKE MONEY. Not all Strippers have low self esteem, nor does stripping for a living lower self esteem. Stripping also has almost nothing to do with dancing. The OPPOSITE of most of these stereotypes is the case. This song reflects the stereotype (and it should POLE STAR Dancing)..........

When I started I stripping I was 22 and shit terrified. I remember my tryout and that club so well. You want to talk about the difference between "thinking" and "doing". It was a perfect example. I went in, and they gave me a spot. Now, in order to get a job at a club you have to do a routine, on their main stage. Most club owners are gauging the crowds reaction to the performance, is why. So, I get up on stage and complete panic hit me. Didn't in my living room. I was a superstar there. On stage and in five inch heels, I was a relatively uncoordinated nightmare. I was completely naked by the end of the first song. I took all of my clothes off as quickly as possible. Danced the entire second song, naked. When I was done. I looked at the stage and I had made like ten bucks. I got the job.

Now, there was a woman that worked there, that is one of the single most affecting influences in my life. Her name was Savannah. She was ten years older than me and the last of a dying breed. An entertainer, not just a titty shaker. She said, "I like you. I'm taking you under my wing." That was it, I was hers. She taught me the following laws and they are important in life in general.

1. The Law of Commodity. In the case of stripping, that's your body. That means if you are stripping, you don't let a single part of your physical body go neglected. Vanity is not only your friend, it is essential. You should have your hair, nails, skin, etc. done at all times. Shave daily. Not to much perfume, men hate that. The product has to be good, before you can sell it.

2. The Law of Art. When you are on stage, you are selling the commodity. Any woman can shake their ass. One way to be a cut above, is to make it art. The only props you have are a pole, your clothing, and the music. You must make them match. Every set has to be planned out in it's entirety. That means coming in early, staying late, etc. but is worth it. An example, is my "Black Set." She designed it and it is still a hit. The songs are "Back in Black" and a cover a friend of mine did of "Paint it Black". All clothing has to be Black. Black bra, black underwear, black stockings, black shoes, black costume. Now the routine I am not bothering to list here, but these things should be well thought out. Stripping is an ART, if you want to make money at it.

3. The Law of the Geisha. The concept was simple and complicated. All throughout history, the concept of paid for female companionship has existed. It was holy in a lot of cultures. Savannah loved the Geisha especially. You have to be well read, on lots of subject matter. Everything from current events, to the stock market, to cars. Why? Once you get off stage, you need to continue to sell that commodity. At that point it's your mind. Men want to talk at clubs and they want to talk about themselves. So, knowing the basics on any subject is good. You have to make eye contact, smile, and make them think that you are genuinely interested. This is also the reason I play Bass. Geishas played instruments and Savannah said, it makes you more fascinating to play an instrument. Being vapid at a strip club doesn't earn you money. The women that did the best were the most intelligent and funniest most of the time.

4. The Law of Withholding. Also, known as No ass without cash. She described it as a symbiotic relationship and you DO NOT give them a show (besides mental), with out money changing hands. So, if you are at a table with a guy and he wants you to sit in his lap, you ask for a tip. He wants a little show, he needs to buy a table dance, etc, etc, etc. I bring this up because, it's important to remember. All relationships should be give and take.

5. The Big Fish. This is a man with money. There are two kinds of strip club patrons. Minnows and Big Fish. Minnows, may buy one dance if your lucky and throw you a few dollars. Now a Big Fish is a different story. Play your cards right, you could make a few hundred dollars in a night. They are VIP's and are treated as such. Now they are typically Business men, or the occasional "music star" where I live, but the same rules apply. You dump all other customers for the night, mark them as yours and plant your ass firmly at their table. You have to implement the other rules to succeed with them. My favorite "Big Fish", I ever dealt with was Kid Rock. He's just fucking cool and I has more fun the night he came to the club I worked in, than any other night. Also, made the most money.

I gained self confidence stripping. It eliminated the "Oh My God, a physical flaw", mentality. I realized I was beautiful, and that all women are to some man. I learned how to communicate with people, what works and what doesn't. My basic social skills improved dramatically. I didn't learn to use men, but I began to love them more. Anyone from the 18 year old who has a birthday, to the 50 year old businessman. Not only did they want to see me naked, but most men love women, simply because they are women.

Dump the stereotype. Strippers aren't drug addled, low self esteem ridden, psychic vampires (not that they don't exist, but they are the exception, not the rule). They are the last vestiges of a dying art, that celebrates femininity at it's height and reflects the power of a well rounded woman, who has nurtured all aspects of herself. That's a "stripper mentality."

Humans Are Monsters

I wrote part of this out for a New Age site when I was arguing the fact that Good and Evil don't truly exist. In my opinion it was some of my best work, so I'm sharing. I will warn people that I draw a direct correlation between humanity and God (biblical and otherwise) within the essay, so don't think I went Anti Christianity or became a Theist all of the sudden. ;)

Okay simply put you are wrong if you think humanity is inherently good. How could you even draw that conclusion from ANY school of thought.? Have you ever read a history book? Humans are monsters, just as the Gods of old are. After all, our species is the basis for those psychological projections.

Humanity has moved to the top of the food chain because of our monsterous nature. Historically, humans will eat each other unless authority tells them not to, for fucks sake. There is historical evidence that in the area where the Egyptian empire once stood, the tribes that ran there were cannibalistic until Ptah came along. I'm no expert in Egyptian history, but considering the fact that the man that was the basis for Amon most likely, had to conquer those tribes and then say, "Hey dumbasses, quit eating each other." Shows me just how bloodthirsty out species truly is. It's only ONE example.

Odin demanded blood and human sacrifice. They have found trees were they hung the prisoners sacrificed to him. Not to mention the whole "Wicker Man" idea. Taking a bunch of people, putting them in a huge structure shaped like a man, and then setting it on fire for a religious rite. You can get fucking bent, if you are gonna come at me with the "they were criminals bullshit." It doesn't matter. Society creates criminality, by establishing laws.

Then there is Jehovah. In the bible, The Old Testament specifically, he asks for animal sacrifice, and at times human sacrifice. The story of Aaron always stuck out to me. A good man, and God's high Priest. There's a story that Aaron gave ALL of his portion of the spoils of War to orphans because God forgot about them. This same guy is toasted by God to show the people that they need to listen to what he says. Did Aaron deserve it? Hell no. He's a good man. Jehovah's total death rate biblically is anywhere from 25 million to 3 billion.

From a biblical perspective humans are made in God's image. Look at the God and then really look around you. You may as well be a vampire, feasting on everyone's life blood around you. Our society is built on the blood of the Native Americans, on humanity's fundamental need and want to conquer, to crush others that are less than them. The atomic bomb could literally destroy ALL LIFE ON EARTH. It's humanity's creation.

A real world example is my sister's son. She went to the bathroom and heard her youngest son screaming hysterically. Came in the living room and her two year old was beating the 6 month old on the head with a jack in the box. Blood was everywhere. The kid broke the babies nose. Why would a two year old do that? Had he seen somebody do that? No. It was his instinctual nature to destroy what was smaller than him, what he viewed as a threat to his wants.

Humans war, we ENJOY IT, humans kill, we ENJOY IT, Humans crush those that are less than then them, we ENJOY IT. To say that humans are kind and good fails to take the fundamental need and want to kill others into account. Have you ever eaten meat? You're a killer than. Period.

You think that when the "New Age" manifests this will change and we will all join hands and sing kumbaya. Bullshit. When society goes, this species will be back to eating each other for pleasure, killing for fun, raping women and children in the streets, and in generally being as monsterous as we truly are. Grow the fuck up and quit reading Scott Cunningham. It's a lie. As an occultist, you are supposed to embrace your true nature, not fall to delusion.

At least Satanism admits it. ONA uses culling to illustrate this and to keep it "fluffly", Anton LaVey said, "Satan represents, Man as just another animal, sometimes better, more often worse than those that walk on all fours, who, because of his "divine spiritual and intellectual development," has become the most vicious animal of all." I personally revel in the knowledge that I am a monster. It makes me feel powerful. ;)

We Recognize Our Own........

I have a different take on the "we recognize our own" idea. It is a species of human being and I at least, intuitively recognize my own. I know they are "like me" and I know when people are not like me. It's an emotional thing, and almost impossible to describe.

I started coming to the same conclusions as the "core of the ONA" (those five ideas are in the video) my whole life, and in particular the past two years. I came across ONA materials pretty quick in my google searches on Satanism and just went "Nuh uh" mentally. The outer form ideas scared the shit out if me. I didn't even use the label Satanist at that point, I was in a large level of self denial.

Now, when I started at SIN I gravitated towards certain people. I loved the way they wrote, their perspective on things, these are my "must reads" when I log in. These individuals were before I ever signed up for SIN. I for example, loved Satan's Serrated Edge and his take on Satanism. LOL. ;) These individuals I consider friends, I have always liked them and my friendships with them occurred organically. The whole process has been. I know my own kind.

The irony is I never thought any of these individuals were ONA, I assumed they were "LaVeyan" or just Satanists as Mr. Dread used to say. I did a thread on what I got out of LaVey. Now, when they all "came out" and said they were ONA, I was floored personally. My own perspective colored what I was reading. I didn't want to be ONA or a Niner, I was scared.


http://www.satanicinternationalnetwork.com/forum/topic/1709

Now, the Seven Fold Sinister Way, etc. I think "burns off" the memes that are not part of a Niner's true character. The whole esoteric process is to take those individuals back to who they really are. That is a tough process due to the amount of mental programming an individual receives from birth by society. It has to be done and regardless of how it is done, these individuals will seek out ways to do so, without necessarily walking the predetermined path of ONA's exoteric form. It is better to commit to being one of the Devil's own in a way that is obvious than it is to pussyfoot around and talk about it. It takes physical, real world acts to burn of those memes faster.

I know in my own personal experience, the physical portion is not only doable, but necessary. Since I started a military style physical fitness course, I have changed DRAMATICALLY. I also have learned every time I hit a wall and think I can't go any further, I can. I can push past it, I can do more. I also, hit a mental state that is indescribable but is better than any drug, any ritual, etc. I can do. I feel whole and complete for those moments. It is a form of gnosis that I am obtaining every time I engage myself physically.

So am I a Niner? Like Span316 said to me, "If you're not a Niner than what are you?" I take the label Niner on with the upmost of respect for the people that have invented and perpetuated the memeplex, I have grown to love. I personally hope to be an asset to that memeplex with my own undertakings. Am I an adept? Not yet, but I will be with time.

You Did This..........

Look you DID this. I was born an unique creature that didn't fit into the mold you wanted to place me in. I however, had to play ball. There was no consideration that maybe, just maybe I wasn't like everyone else. I took care of myself as a child, out of fear of YOU, a faceless, disgusting entity would take me away from my family. I was responsible, unlike most people that subscribe to your ideals. I always have been.
As I grew older, you forced me to conform. You infected me with your lies, half truths, and false wisdom. To make another person be a part of the machine, you forced a square peg into a round hole. I bled to make that transition. I cut the parts of me that were the most precious off. If I hadn't of, I wouldn't have survived. Who were you to decide that for me?
It was insanity causing did you realize that? A part of my brain was screaming, "This isn't you." I made it shut up. I dealt with constant doubt, a fear of my abnormal state. I knew I wasn't like everybody else. Always did. I used to watch kids at school and beg God to make me like them. Just for five minutes, so I could understand why they cared about cartoons and pop stars. I used to wonder why I was made the way I was. Same as an adult, watching people that I worked with and thinking, "Why don't I care about the same shit? Why do they seem so lifeless, so stupid?"
I fought back using every method you gave me. It never worked. I can't recycle enough cans to save the planet. I can't donate enough time or money to make what I want to see realized. I did make attempts to do what I wanted, within your ideals. I failed. I may as well, have pissed away all of that time effort and energy. I knew the system was corroded, broken and in desperate need of fixing. I also, felt alone in my realization of that and the task to fix it was impossible.
All my life I have been a kind, nice and understanding person. I deal with people that aren't like that, constantly. I give them my trust and they break it. They use me, they bad mouth me when I'm not looking. They try to raise doubt, in order to make me conform, make me crack. They show me no respect, even when I extend it first. It always hurts and I've never understood why people don't have some basic fucking responsibility for their actions.
Then there's the internet. A vapid wasteland of posers, maybes and what if's logging on. I never started on these Satanic forums to make a bunch of friends, or be Miss Popular. I did it because I learn differently. I learn through interaction, more than reading. I found Satanism. There's nobody around me that is into that. I needed to step into that medium. I had read for awhile and found some really cool minds posting in cyberspace. I wanted to see what they had to say, up close and personal. So, I joined a network and started posting. Do I buy everything I read? No, I am only looking for people that make me think. That may as Shugz says, "Have a piece of my puzzle."
Lately, I've been shown the underbelly of the Satanic movement, in particular on the internet. I had a friend on a website, stab me in the back for no other reason than an attempt to gain more stature. I have dealt with pressure from a lot of people that I respected, to turn back, don't look into ONA, you're conforming, you're becoming part of a herd. The stereotypes about ONA, and lack of personal responsibility is shocking to me. I have been personally insulted, bad mouthed when I'm not around, and in generally treated like shit for having an interest in something. I wouldn't do it to someone else, just for their school of thought. I have been more of a "prove you're idiocy type." These recent events are changing that. I am starting to think "Oh here we go another Super Serial Adversarial Fucktard."
I don't want to hate, dislike and abhor the majority. It is happening though. Rather it's my best friend screwing me over, a neighbor using me for personal gain, a cop telling me not to shoot off fireworks, or a bunch of idiots on a website throwing out insults and stereotypes.
You are making me hate you. You are forcing my hand over and over again. I was always the enemy to you, you're system, your values. YOU made it that way, I didn't. Now, that I have realized that I play for the opposing team, what do you think I'll do? Smile and keep getting my teeth kicked in, or fight back? I realize that even when I played ball, YOU knew I wasn't like you and you hate what you don't understand. Thanks, it is now returned in full measure. You just created another enemy. I finally see just how horrible, awful and infectious, the things called Mundanes and Magians are. YOU did this. So, when this FemaleSatan, takes her pound of flesh owed, don't be surprised. It was you intention and wish, not mine. I pitied you BEFORE, now I hate.