Where Am I?

EA rock concert? A country concert?

Hell no. This is a line in Nashville for Homeless people to get a hot meal. It's called Bridge Bunch and the location is one of the former 'hiding places ' for the Homeless to sleep.

Revitalization my ass. The economy is doing better? Yeah fucking right. Homelessness is at an all time high in Smashville, home of pretension and broken dreams, home of the Hopeless.

I Hope You Dance

Sometimes you have a moment so fucking profound it's almost impossible to put into words.

So here's the scene... I am at a Music In The Park thing. Local bands playing live music. I get there and the first thing, in fact the most noticeable thing is this black guy. He's the only person dancing. He looks well ... wild in comparison to your average sheeple. Long hair, combat boots, etc.

Now I am a people watcher. And I notice the reaction of people as they walk past him. They either stare or pretend he doesn't exist. Looks of disgust are thrown his way. Every once in awhile he gets a hug, like he's the token freak.

As I watch I notice something else. He's into it, he's happy. Is the average person there? No. They are distracted. Clutching their cellphones, yelling at their kids, just completely disengaged, completely miserable, completely blah in comparison.

I say to my husband, "Look. He's the only Individual here. He's the only one in the moment. "  So he starts watching. Idiots that dye their hair green to be nonconformists, ignoring or being disgusted at the only person doing their own thing, LOL.

So, a new band comes up. I get up when they start. I am going to dance to. There's a fucking area for dancing for fucks sake. So I danced. I just let go, I just let the music move me as well. I 'get over' my instinct to just sit like everyone else.

Here's what's funny. Within five minutes two little girls join me. Then more. I open my eyes and one point and see five little kids standing in a line staring at me. I smile and keep dancing. They dance, I dance, awesome ass black dude dances. Parents start encouraging their kids to dance as well.

A little boy starts whooping for the band. I develop a fan in a red headed man. He smiles at me, claps for me, whistles a few times.

It is a 30 minute moment  that can only be described as Numinous, almost holy in nature. I can't describe the emotional response I had. I was fighting back tears at the beauty of this moment me, this man and these children are having.

I get done and am emotionally rocked. Questions fill my mind. Why children and not adults? Why did I get a different reception than he did? Why did people quit viewing him as a freak when I got up? Why did adults sway on their blankets, rather than dance?

It was a reflection of a fundamental fact... One person does something ANYTHING out of the norm, they're crazy. Two or more, a movement of sorts.

Now I deal in Darkness. In Hell on Earth at times. In things that shake the psyche to the core. But this, this dancing was the same way. A 'positive' psychological shakeup. A stepping outside of the normal in favor of doing what I want.

I said to the guy afterwards, "You made my day." He told me I made his as well. Asked me if I was coming back. I said yes.

And I will DANCE.

Little Girls

When I watch my daughters play with other little girls, I begin to think about the Female Archetypes that exist. See, girls play less aggressively than little boys do. They imitate being mommies, they pretend to be Models, they play with Barbies and dolls.

It makes me wonder how little girls played when some of my favorite Archetypes were part of their Society's structure. Goddesses like Inanna, Ishtar, Artemis, Athena, etc. Were girls as aggressive as boys when a Female Warrior Archetype was accepted. Did they pretend to shoot bows and arrows, like my sons do with guns? Did they wrestle with each other? Punch each other in the arm? Did those girls say when I grow up I wanna be a Warrior? Or when I grow up I wanna be a prostitute?

Some of the associations that Femaleness has in this current Western, Secular Society I live in make sense. Motherhood is obvious. Weakness physically, especially in comparison to men makes sense as well. The constant sexual object association I get as well.

Take the Virgin Mary. I think about her as an Archetype quite a bit. I sometimes think she broke Femalehood, lol. Her SON according to this weird Mythology that is the basis of the Society I live in, died for no damn good reason. Just to please a Sky Daddy, that is an ass. He impregnates this poor woman, in order to have her son DIE for him. She is powerless throughout the entire story, a broken, weak, joke of a woman. She's not sexual, cause she was a Virgin. She's not powerful, she can't even stop the Death of her son. She just lays there throughout the New Testament, a colorless, lifeless vessel for this thing that is beyond her control.

Let me tell you something, I can put myself in her shoes and I don't fucking get it. How do you just stand by while your son is murdered and chalk it up to God's Will? Did she cry? Did she tear her hair out? Did she beat at the Guard's with her fists to stop them? Was she arrested for attempting to stop this thing from happening? Not according to most versions of that story. I would be fighting as much as I could for my boy. I just think about it, if she actually existed, she is the embodiment of Powerlessness, the Great Sorrow of being helpless when it comes to your child, your sexuality, etc.

Everyone knows its all about programming docile citizens for this Society, Hell for all Societies. The Virgin Mary is brilliant for taking away the power attached to Femaleness. She takes away the inherent right a woman has to control her own destiny and the destiny of her Child.

I only become MORE aggressive the more Physically Adept I become. It's like an end result of wanting to be a Modern Female Warrior and fighting like Hell to become one. But, the times in my life I have literally felt Homicidal Rage, were over my kids. Pre or Post, physical fitness. Didn't matter if I was 200 lobs or not. I will kill a Motherfucker for my kids.

When they were born this surge of Protectiveness mixed with Rage has overcame me. When that child was put in my arms, I thought the following, I will kill for you, I will steal for you, NO price is to great to see you thrive.

where's THAT in the Modern Mother Archetype? Cause I have never met a Mother, who wasn't the same way (expect for maybe mine, lol).

I want to be a Female Warrior and I am slowly becoming one. One step at a time. It's my journey, the one I am on now. And my main beef with Society lies in the fact that Female Archetypes are incomplete, spoiled by a Man's view of what Woman is or should be. It's time for women to start to define this for ourselves and say fuck it to Archetypes that lack our input, that are funhouse mirrors of Femininity. For MY daughters to have better than I did. For them to not experience the confusion I did for a long time at what Woman is and isn't.

It's why I do what I do. Isn't the Mother of a child the most fundamental Archetype they encounter? Their first Goddess before Religion begins to take over their little minds?

So I try to find ANY portrayals of Women as Warriors that I can. Here's one I found the other day that kinda stunned me. Katy Perry's video for her song Part Of Me. How fucking awesome is the message here? Well for me it sits at 10,00%. Bitch gets cheated on and dumped, Bitch cuts off all her hair, tapes down her boobs and becomes a ..... Marine!! A Modern Female Warrior! Not perfect but better than Mary needlessly mourning her son after succumbing to a Man's will.